Casey is unsure about divorce.
Casey knew she was unhappy in her marriage, but she had a difficult time deciding if divorce was the right next step. After all, she had spent years in this relationship, she and her spouse shared mutual investments, and she had kids to think of, but her life was so different than what she had hoped and expected it to be. No one warned her that her marriage would make her so miserable.
You might find yourself in a similar position to Casey. It’s perfectly reasonable to be unsure: divorce is one of the biggest decisions made in life.
Here are some questions to ask yourself, to hopefully make the decision process a little easier.
Do I Still Love My Spouse?
Love doesn’t come with an instruction manual, and love doesn’t make or break the decision to leave a relationship. In fact, many people leave spouses that they love for good reasons. Sometimes, there is infidelity, sometimes you need to see a change in your partner that just isn’t happening, and sometimes there is a trauma involved that makes staying in the relationship just too difficult. Whatever the reason for considering divorce, know that it is still worth exploring these feelings before making a decision.
If you believe you still love your spouse, it may be worth trying couples counseling or discussing what you need from the relationship that you aren’t currently getting.
Is there a lack of intimacy that can be resolved?
When people get married, they want to feel close and connected to their spouse, and when those feelings disappear, they are shaken and unsure of what to do next- some even jump to the assumption that they have fallen out of love. A lack of a deep emotional connection is not irreparable, but it does take work and quality time from both parties in the marriage. If your spouse is not willing to work on this with you, it isn’t a good sign.
Are we simply failing to communicate?
You’ve heard it before, and you’re about to hear it again: the key to a successful marriage is communication. Do you actively listen to what your spouse has to say when you talk, and do they return the favor? Are clarifying questions asked as needed?
Am I respected in this relationship?
Am I respecting my spouse?
When you and your spouse discuss important issues, or have a disagreement, are you both still actively being respectful? When you communicate a need to your spouse, is it heard and made a priority? Are my boundaries respected? Sometimes, one spouse will try to make the other spouse feel as though they are being disrespectful by setting boundaries, or enforcing boundaries. This is a common form of gas lighting, and typically is not a good sign that the marriage will be successful.
Do I like who I am when I am Around My Spouse?
Sometimes, two people bring out the worst in each other. Does your spouse make you agitated, irritable, and short-tempered with everything they say? And better yet, are you ready to be that person for the rest of your life?
It is perfectly normal to start talking to a lawyer before you’re sure you’re ready to divorce. At Alexander and Ewert, we can help you prepare for the next biggest decision of your life before it is even communicated.
Give us a call at (970) 725-6626 to get started.